When Life Feels Meaningless, Here’s What Helped Me

Lately, I have been feeling low and I haven’t been the best of myself. I have lived a life with a purpose which kept me going. These days I lack motivation and understanding of everything around me. There have been times where I wanted to give up working on myself and drop everything forever. At times, I feel living itself is tiring and very exhausting. During my years of working in sales, I had a busy meaningless life with money. Now, I left the corporate after working a decade, only to find my passion, I now freelance as a part time teacher with minimal wage. Transitioning my career from sales to become an English teacher and a personality development trainer was fun and exciting at first but, as days went by, I found this meaningless too. I even questioned myself if this is what I want to continue with or should I give up this choice of career as well. What seemed a passion now feels like moving mountains. I’m not sure if it’s my age where as we get older everything seems plain, boring and ordinary to us. I think it’s my predictable mundane routine lifestyle that’s discouraging and demotivating me. I cannot remember the last time I had a hearty social interaction with anyone or the last time I laughed whole heartedly. Everyone’s gotten busy these days. Friends my age have become parents and their priorities have changed. “A friend in need is a friend indeed” is no longer seen these days. People don’t show interest in casual conversations and small talks. It’s sad to see people cut communications which eventually cuts the friendship and then everyone wonders why the world is filled with lonely and sorrowful depressed people.

It’s during this time when such negative experiences deeply affected me, I clumsily did my Bible reading hoping to be comforted. I came across “The hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matt. 10:30) Reading this, I thought rolling my eyes — ‘Yea so what’s the point’ then the reading continued like this… (Pasting from the article as copied) 

“Jesus taught his followers to have a proper view of themselves. Jesus assured them: “The hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matt. 10:30) That statement is very comforting to us, especially if we tend to have a negative view of ourselves. It means that our heavenly Father is deeply interested in us​ — that we have value in his eyes. It is also recommended that we develop this balanced view of ourselves: “Certainly, we would not want to think too highly of ourselves to the point of becoming conceited; nor would we want to go to the other extreme and think nothing of ourselves. Rather, our aim should be to cultivate a reasonable view of ourselves, realizing our strengths and our limitations.”

Given my current state of mind, I am battling a negative view of myself and others which only does more harm than good for me. My idle thoughts aren’t hurting them but me. But what I’m grateful for is, even though I hadn’t asked God to help me he knew I needed to be heard, and I received a timely passage to read which made me realize my struggles are not unseen by him. It is at times like this I want to rejoice and be happy which isn’t happening immediately. Healing and recovery of any form will certainly take time as it a continuous effort and a consistency to maintain which itself is a huge task. It’s as good as sleeping on time to feel better every day and eating on time to be healthy each day. If we mess our sleep schedule and miss eating, we become weak and tired which is self-harming our body. Similarly, I learnt maintaining a healthy mind and thoughts need work too which is another added effort just like any other task we are exhausted to do. Both, recovery and healing are not an easy path but if we want to live to see a difference then we must choose wisely. I have come across many such biblical wisdom. I will try to share those as I come across. If it can benefit me through my testimony, I want to see it benefitting you readers as well. 

Let me know by commenting if my writing spoke to you! 

All that glitters is not gold

I very much needed to hear this. I was brought up believing living simple lifestyle is the best form of happiness. Growing up I deviated from what was taught and I believed everything I saw is real. While I travelled in public transport, my friends used their privately owned vehicles for local travelling. I felt bad at the time wishing if I had owned a vehicle, I will be happy. Since everyone had it, I thought or assumed they were happy, and I was unhappy. Little did I know it’s the other way around. 

You see, back when I was in college, I asked my parents to gift me a vehicle. They wanted to but reluctant at the time because we weren’t financially doing great. We lived a bare minimum lifestyle as long as we had a roof above our heads and food on the table, we were good to go. 

After getting into corporate, I hated waiting for the bus because of time delays. I decided to save up money to buy a vehicle for myself. But I wasn’t earning well enough to afford what I wanted. My salary barely met my needs. This went on quite some time and I forgot about owning a vehicle. Years passed, I began enjoying travelling in buses, metros and hopping on friends’ bikes. I enjoyed being a pillion. I stopped cribbing. I began to appreciate little things to enjoy life as it came to me. 

There’s this type of enjoyment I get for not owing a vehicle. For example — I do not worry about parking problems, I do not worry about petrol prices going high, I do not have to worry of services or maintenance issue, I do not have to worry about my vehicle getting towed and most importantly I do not have to pay EMI’s. I saved lot of money because of this simple lifestyle. 

To be fair, sometimes I did think how different my life would be if I had one. I weighed out the pros and cons of it by asking all my friends to describe their experience. Each had their opinions. If you are a family man or woman with children, for sure you need a car. When asked about the financial aspect most said they are still paying EMI’s and some of them are facing debt because of this and various other reasons. Given their family size and requirement owning a vehicle is a necessity for them. 

I completely empathize and understand that lifestyle is not same for everyone but what I cannot take is when people criticize my choice of living. Despite explaining through my careful evaluation why I chose public transport, people made it sound like I’m living a life with defect. While this is how they saw, I perceived myself living a carefree life. Is this not most of us are striving for? Trying to live a carefree or stress-free life? Most people go high ends spending money on therapy or medication to reduce stress while here I am carefully evaluating my choices to live better on a budget. Like I said earlier, lifestyle is not same for everyone. To each unto their own. 

In a world full of people with their pollution causing vehicles and its problems they are shocked to find that I do not conform to world’s standardized living. These people tried to persuade me to buy one as if it’s given for free. I strongly stood to my ground saying it’s not necessary ‘for me’ and not my priority anymore. 

Observing their life choices, why should I suffer like them when I choose to live a budget friendly life. Owning one will only put me in debt and make it more difficult for me. Sometimes I feel these types of people project their insecurities onto me while I am simply minding my business. 

I advocate simple and mindful living. I am not in dire need to go after what most people have. Life is good as it should be. Most people will not understand when they see someone who is perfectly happy living on budget because according to them, such lifestyle is too good to be true and they clearly cannot not attain such living. 

My sincere advice to the one who is reading — before spending your money, always ask yourself if you are buying because you want it or do you need it. If you know the difference between these two, you are wise enough to make a decision. If not, do some research. 

Lesson learnt: Evaluate choices carefully. Choose simple, live mindful.

Imagine being the last person on earth. How will you survive alone?

Exciting as it sounds to be the last and only person on earth, let’s look into some aspects that will personally affect us. 

But first, prepare your mind. Imagine you are the only person on earth. Ask yourself how you will survive if you experience this turn of events. 

1. What if you fall sick with no medical help to run into? Even if you go to the drug store how would you know which medicines will help you recover? 
2. What if you run out of rations? The idea may seem exciting to go to supermarket to grab and eat without paying but, how long can you be dependent for food from supermarkets? Some of the food will soon expire. With no import and export to restock, what will you survive on?
3. You will soon run out of drinking water at home with no human resource to help you with the supply. 
4. Electricity will not stay for long as there aren’t people around anymore to restore it. Imagine living in the dark with your candle or mobile light to survive. What will happen if your mobile runs out of battery? How will you charge it? Or worse, whom will you call for help? Would it now be ironic to say — hello darkness my old friend? 
5. You may want to travel around but with what transport? How long will your vehicle run with existing fuel? If you must refill, who will restock the fuel at the gas station? If you must walk by foot, how long will your body co-operate? At this point what will you eat and drink to replenish?  

Now let’s get back to reality. Did you like what you imagined? Have you gotten the answers for your lonely survival? Is it fun and exciting as you thought you would enjoy? We may seem excited by the idea to be the last and only person living but had we ever thought for how long and how to live with little or no resource? 

If this happened with any of us, I would say with assurance that we will be helpless and hopeless. 

As for me, would I like to experience this turn of events? I don’t know. Only time will tell. 

Snail girl era??

I came across this new word few days ago which caught my attention. I did my reading on this newfound concept to understand its origin and the meaning. Turns out it was first coined by an Australian fashion designer named Sienna Ludbey. The idea of SGA (Snail girl era) is to slow down slogging from work, slow down the rat race, basically slow down on anything related to corporate hard work. To make it simpler it’s the opposite of girl boss.

I liked the sound of it. This is exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I have been in the rat race for 10 years which ultimately took me nowhere. The more I won the race, the more the race progressed and there seemed no stopping to it. I believed this is the way of life since everyone did it, I assumed it’s fair if I did too. But who is clapping for me each time I won? No one. This is sad. Despite of the hail or storm I ran the race thinking it’s the right thing to do. Hamster on a wheel or a horse and a carrot stick is the right example to describe the life I lived.

I recently quit my job not knowing what’s next. I wasn’t inspired by SGA to quit because my quitting happened before I even knew what SGA is. Ironically, before SGA could make its announcement on the internet, I began to embrace slow living. This helped me in many ways by especially calming down my nervous system, identifying my stressors, exercising, eating healthy, breathing in breathing out, learning new things, getting to know myself even better. I began to analyze and reassess people, things I once thought were important. I used my break well enough to realize I need to remove certain people from my life whom I thought meant well while infact they did not.

You see, during my decade of working it never once occurred I must know who my “friends” are. I had more than 200 contacts in my phone, about 700 friends in my Facebook and I followed 400+ people on IG. These huge numbers I followed were just colleagues and ex colleagues from work and acquaintances who simply followed me, and I followed back with no actual conversations since years. It seemed pointless having them around with no actual benefit. I took charge in clearing out many people. I did not feel guilty, nor did I waste time thinking how they would feel if they got to know I removed them from my list. Truth is, they will never know. This digital decluttering is much needed for me to finally breathe. Now I am surrounded with meaningful like-minded people who mean well. This is one such activity I did while I embraced my SGA.

SGA is not a bad idea after all. It is essential and much needed to sit with our selves. I neglected self-care during my busy years which I now am able to focus upon. I began reading and I am compelling to finish a book by the end of 2023. I need to get back to writing which was and is my passion but neglected due to my 9–5. Life is actually good when we slow down.

“Pause and reflect”

I am using my time well on my personal reflections. This time is very crucial for me to pause, reflect in order to move forward. For instance, I am an online shopper, not an impulsive one but a mindful shopper. I clearly know the difference between my needs and wants. If I must buy something I see, I ask myself if I really need it or want it. Is it worth the money I spend or can I survive without it. This analysis taught me to refrain from unnecessary expenditure. Another practice I began is to listen to my senses. If I happen to meet someone or I am invited somewhere, if I feel the vibe is off, I listen to it and never make my appearance again. If it’s between fight or flight, I choose flight. It’s the safest and wise choice for me.

What got me to this decision?

During my working years I remember feeling disconnected with myself. I felt I am living someone else’s life and not mine. I did things for the people and not for me. Horrifically, I became people pleaser. But you see, my job demanded me to be people person which I personally did not like. In my expressive opinion hearing words like people person literally translates to “people pleaser”. It’s the corporate way of telling to be a bootlicker. Now don’t get me wrong on this interpretation with your pitchforks for we all have our frustrations to let it out based on our individual experiences!

I had to put on a fake personality like I cared what people wanted while each passing moment I cursed everyone under my breath. I simply did not belong here. I found my corporate life overwhelming and exhausting. There were days I cried in the office washroom and there were nights I cried my eyes out to sleep. This I realized is my body’s way of saying to slow down to take a break. At first, I neglected signs knowingly well there’s nothing much I can do. I thought grinding the mill will heal in due time, but it only got worse.

I remember being wanting to climb up the corporate ladder taking up leadership responsibilities. This was before I knew the repercussions. At the time I liked being girl boss, but since the recent days I strongly felt it has run its course. I remember the days taking my office work home which to no avail stole my personal time. Not wanting to continue this further I decided to step down. In other words, I took a pause, reflected on what I was doing and wondered how any of this is useful in the long run. Of course, “we must work for survival but also understand we must and should take a step back when needed!”

Taking a step back from girl boss to snail girl era may not be for everyone. Understand that I am neither encouraging nor motivating you readers to choose your pick. I am only expressing how the life we once perceived to be effective will eventually lose its effectiveness. All that glitters is not gold. People around the globe are slowly realizing which lifestyle works best for them. Very few work on their desired passion projects while the rest stick to rat race. Either way, whatever works best — to each unto their own.

I will advise one important aspect — it’s not just enough to take a break: it’s essential. Embrace the power of pause! Take time to rejuvenate, re-educate and rediscover your passion.

That one time I stood up for myself!

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  Photo by Jackson David on Pexels.com

Growing up I was never a brave person. I did not stand up for myself while I was being taken for granted simply because I was told at a very young age — “it’s very rude to talk back to people, this is not an appropriate behaviour”. These lines have been ingrained in my mind for many years which while growing up has done more harm to me than good.

Fast forward to years later, long story short; recently a colleague and I texted each other. In one of the text he addressed me by a name I did not like. It wasn’t anything like honey, baby sort of names he used. Rather it was more of a name calling he did. At first I could not muster the courage to tell him not to call me that way. I was rather more scared & worried upon wondering how would he react if I had the courage to tell him not to name call me. Took me a couple of moments to battle my thoughts & emotions until I finally decided to listen to the voice in my head. I texted right back at him saying not to name call me again as it was very rude & disrespectful. Immediately, he texted back apologising and said he did not mean to use such words on purpose and that he would refrain himself from using such remarks. Ever since this had happened neither did he text nor call me. I felt a huge surge of freedom & relief on what I did – something which I should have practised a very long time ago. Although I could not blame myself for my upbringing as all those were in the past. And I’m sure most of us at certain point in our lives were taught to behave in a certain manner which may seem appealing toward the society just so to be in their good books and that which may not be personally in favour to us.

Had I not spoken up, I would still berate myself up so hard for not defending myself. I would still be bitter with resentment harbouring this rage inside of me constantly hurting myself thinking why didn’t I speak up when I had the chance. The more I caved in, the more I realised the other person gains the power over me and that’s how people living in silence have been taken for granted.

What did I learn here?
With this one experience I learnt, one need to work on their self to be respected. It is when you do not value yourself, eventually you lose sight of who you are. This becomes evident as we interact with people among us. Courage to speak up is one step away from fear, hesitation or whatever is holding you back. Of course we will lose certain people by setting up boundaries for our well being. But the right ones will stay with you & will not harm you. Moreover, not everyone you lose in your life is a loss.

To conclude, I quote my favourite — “But sometimes your light attracts moths & your warmth attracts parasites. Protect your space and energy” — Warsan Shire.

Simply put, you can’t change the people around you. But you can change the people around you. Read that again. Let that sink in – Anonymous

Walking through the narrow bridge; a life support!

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  Photo by Bruno Castelli on Pexels.com

“Go with the flow,’’ they say. “What does it actually mean?”

“Living life to the fullest!!” replies little Johnny with great confidence, raising his hand with enthusiasm above his head before any of his classmates could answer the teacher’s question.

“That’s wonderful, Johnny! How did you know that is the correct answer?” asks Mrs. Marie.

“My Nana told me. My nana tells me a lot of things” chirped Johnny with a wide outstretched arm and with a delightful radiance on his face. “She tells me stories during my bedtime about how she survived the war, the famine, the floods and oh, the pandemic too!”

“Is it, Johnny?” asks the teacher calmly, keeping the surprise in her tone. “That sounds interesting! And how did your Nana live through all of that?”

Johnny is a precocious child. For a 10 year old, his interests are on the History of the world and its culture, English literature, Foreign languages, Philosophy and Art. While his friends go out to play, Johnny can be found sitting in the school library with a book in hand or a kindle reader. He does play with his friends though he does have a good circle of friends but, most times he preferred keeping it to himself — reading.

The year is 2050. Of course Nana did survive all of life’s living challenges — the war, the famine, the floods and the pandemic too. How did Nana live through all of this?! — “Living through those hard times was indeed a challenge that was uncalled for. People living back then — ’’ little Johnny goes on with a twinkle in his eye, “ — neither expected nor were prepared on what was about to come. The tribulations happened to pass one after the other. There were those who survived, metaphorically speaking, by walking through the narrow bridge and there were those who did not survive. Going through life is easier than fighting back at it. Imagine walking cautiously on a thin sheet of ice or to be more precise; walking through the wall of fire only to come out — unharmed. C’est la vie! Such is a life that was lived.”

Mrs. Marie, though she was well aware about Johnny’s intellectual orate abilities, was in all awe upon hearing what Johnny had to say. He in-fact had to skip a grade for his outstanding academic performances. Johnny was always in the good books of the teachers; never getting into any sort of trouble: no food fights, no bullying, no wedgies and most of all no complaints from his teachers during the PTA’s. He was a well behaved and a well mannered child. Once, the children were asked what they wanted to become when they grew up, Johnny instantly raised his hand replying “An Anthropologist!”

Mrs. Marie wanted to know more about his Nana and asked Johnny if he could bring her for the class’ role model presentation in the upcoming class activity.

Johnny paused before he could respond to Mrs. Marie’s request and there appeared a pensive look on his face. The other children in the class looked at Johnny with anticipation while the others scribbled on the desk not paying attention to the class. A moment passed by, after what seemed like a thoughtful moment Johnny finally spoke saying, “Mrs. Marie, I am afraid I may not be able to bring my Nana to school”

-“Oh, and why is that?”

-“Because you see, my Nana never liked interacting with the people outside. She keeps all to herself. She talks to me at night only after making sure everyone in the house goes to sleep.” Mrs. Marie looked bewildered but Johnny goes on, “Nana has been through a lot of turmoil in the past and yet she continues to live on. She never complained to me how difficult life seemed for her. She insisted on living the best while we still can because in life, everything does not go as planned; nothing is in our control. We humans are neither the creator nor the destroyer of time. Hence, we cannot foresee the future. We are just visitors walking through the passage of time. And when that time stops; the walk stops!”

Mrs. Marie did not have a child of her own. She is a compassionate person, enjoys being around children thus, satisfying her void. The children also adored their teacher and enjoyed her classes. She did not believe in strict discipline in order to bring up a child. But, upon hearing what Johnny said, a shiver went down her spine as she began to understand that something was not right. She wasn’t sure if she must call off this discussion or must she call his parents. She did notice the students in her class were bored and began to yawn as they did not understand what was going on. A backbencher dozed off happily with his drool dripping on his desk.

With caution the teacher asks Johnny how he talks to his Nana to which Johnny innocently replies: “Nana talks to me each night in my room Mrs. Marie. Not long ago, she gave me her locket as a keepsake”

Johnny carried a locket with a picture of his Nana in it. He gave the locket to the teacher to have a look. Mrs. Marie took the locket from his hands with furrowed brows. As she opened, she saw an alluring inset picture of his Nana with her eloquent smile, her strikingly beautiful black hair tied up neat, eyes as black as ebony staring right back at her. As though fixated, Marie could not stop gazing at what she saw. The picture seemed too real and alive and to her surprise she felt as though someone or something brushed past her shoulder. Marie cautiously dismissed the eerie feeling as she did not want to scare the rest of the children in her class. Although, there was one thing that caught her attention as she flipped back the locket — squinting her eyes to read something. Mentioned in the engraved letters — “In fond memory of our dearly beloved who shall remain in our hearts forever and whose legacy shall continue to prosper.” But what disturbed Marie more is, the engraved letters dates back to the year 2020.!

The clutches of time!!

Amateur Photography Amateur Photos Art Black and white blog blogging blogging101 Blogging 201 Creativity Daily challenges Daily post Daily prompt dpchallenge Flowers Food India inspiration life Living Modern poem Monochrome motivation Mundane Monday Mundane Monday Challenge Nature Photo Photo challenge Photo editing Photography Photos Poem postaday postaweek quotes Street photography Street photos The Daily Post Travel Travel photography Travel photos Weekly photo challenge Wordless Wednesday WordPress WordPress.com writing

Amateur Photography Amateur Photos Art Black and white blog blogging blogging101 Blogging 201 Creativity Daily challenges Daily post Daily prompt dpchallenge Flowers Food India inspiration life Living Modern poem Monochrome motivation Mundane Monday Mundane Monday Challenge Nature Photo Photo challenge Photo editing Photography Photos Poem postaday postaweek quotes Street photography Street photos The Daily Post Travel Travel photography Travel photos Weekly photo challenge Wordless Wednesday WordPress WordPress.com writing

Self-Worth

Once we compare ourself with something bigger and unattainable, we lose our focus and identity!

First, know yourself

know your likes and dislikes,

know what excites you and those which turn you off to bad mood,

know how your behaviour affect or influence someone; work on those that make you a better person each day.

As humans, we evolve – we grow – nothing’s permanent – inclusive of our behaviour so as to speak.

This way the urge and the need to compare will no longer be a necessity as Self worth itself is a satisfaction achieved! 

 

 

– Natasha

P.S: I do not claim any rights or authorization to the image posted above.

Progression

 

Yes, a lovely reminder

To the one reading this

I know its not going to be easy.

But, give yourself a chance to heal and recover rather being bitter.

And most of all, forgive yourself.

Be gentle; be patient

It’s alright; take time to heal no matter how slow..

Time heals; you move on eventually

That is how you live.

Most of all, that is how you begin to feel & love! ❤

 

 

Natasha

Take care – a note to self & unto others.

Take care; be gentle with self.
You are only a human prone to make mistakes.
Be kind to self.
Learn – move on – repeat; for this alone is constant.
Be still, listen to the voice of your heart. What does it say?! 
A second chance is all you need. Third, fourth if required …
Why be limited with less chances when you have many to live by …

 

Natasha.